Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
