He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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