Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
