I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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