Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
