fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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