New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
