Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
