the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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