best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
