I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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