I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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