the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
