My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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