What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
