Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
