literally had 100 drinks last night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
