Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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