Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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