you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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