Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
