I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
