Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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