Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
pray to the hookup gods
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
