You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
