and you said cock pushups were impossible
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
