D3 body, D1 cock
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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