Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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