Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
