I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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