i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
