Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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