I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
