i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
