Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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