Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
