gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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