Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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