There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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