It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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