Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
