batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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