I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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