I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
