I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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