i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
