life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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