This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
