well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
