That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
