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OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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