I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
