Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
