I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
