I can text with my tongue
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
