when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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