Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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