do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
