She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
