Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
