craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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