This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
