on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
