yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
