There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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