Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
