it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
