my mouth tastes like poor choices
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
