How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
