I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
