Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
