i jhust puked up my retainher.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
