i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
