Your tits are I can't wait for
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
