She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
