wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
