someone threw a dead crab at me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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