ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
