Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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