I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
