I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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